All Entries in the "News" Category
Petitioning for more Petitions
Columbia, MO—Among the recent onslaught of annoying petitioners in downtown Columbia, a new petition has begun circulation to increase the amount of petitions. Zebediah Kennard, local artist and self-proclaimed downtowner, remarked, “I’m really glad this new one came along, for a while there it seemed like all the petitions were about to dry up!” Recently [...]
Greenskeeping Fugitive
Columbia, MO—Carl Spackler, former greenskeeper at Bushwood Country Club is wanted in Boone County on a charge of possession of a controlled substance. He was applying for a job at Old Hawthorne when he failed a urine drug test. He also has a misdemeanor warrant. Spackler, 44, is white, 6-foot-4, and 220 pounds, with brown hair and hazel eyes. Spackler may [...]
Rock Bridge Students Find Where The Sidewalk Ends
Columbia, MO—Local students found that there is a place where the sidewalk ends, before the street begins and near where the grass grows soft and white, where a huge truck must have traversed the walk where they were consumed in plain sight. One Rock Bridge student victim said, “Let us leave this place where the concrete does [...]
Lawn Mower Racer Arrested for DUI
Ashland, MO—A slobbering, stinky man has been charged with racing a lawn mower while sipping on grandpa’s cough syrup. Police Chief Howard says Jamie Dennison, 47, was arrested Friday on an overpass of Missouri highway 63 at Ashland, just south of Columbia. Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Ashland, has a revokeddriver’s license and [...]
Glamor Shots available at Boone County Jail
Monday the Boone County Sheriff’s Office unveiled a new Web site containing the booking photo and charge information for inmates in the Boone County Jail. Now the Boone County Jail is offering a portrait package for those wanting to capture their memories inside the slammer. The Boone County Sheriff’s Office on Tuesday announced a new portrait package [...]
Counterfeiting getting harder to detect
COLUMBIA, MO—The Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind continues to wreak havoc on Columbia’s local economy. Columbia police have confirmed multiple cases of counterfeit cash being passed throughout the city already in 2010. Detectives claim they’ve made several arrests but Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind is still at large. According to police sketches, the Duece-Duece counterfeiter is a bald white [...]
Landfill workers refuse to commit Party Foul
Columbia, MO— In a city known for its cheap beer specials, Columbia just found out the deals weren’t good enough for two individuals. This Fair City found itself in the national spotlight as two tightwads went the extra mile by stealing cases of expired beer from the landfill. Fair City News was granted an interview [...]
Tea Party attracts a wide variety of people
Jefferson City, MO- A tea party formed on the steps of the Missouri State Capital yesterday leaving many demographics very disappointed. While the scene was a rally for tax reform, poor marketing attracted many of the wrong crowd. Residents of local assisted living facilities demanded to be taken to the event expecting a far different [...]
Legislators turn to Citizens for Help
Jefferson City, MO – Three weeks ago the Missouri state senate met to discuss the possibility of a new radical government: efficient and affordable. Tuesday morning, with no ideas for implementation, they met again to review more than 1,000 emails from Missouri citizens concerned with state policies hoping to find the answer. Government employed statistician Mick [...]
Downtown Cameras watch more than Criminals
Proposition 1, allowing downtown cameras for surveillance, passed on Tuesday with almost 60% of the vote. Voters, known for not actually reading the fine print, granted approval without knowing the cost, how many cameras would be used, where they should be placed. Taking a closer look at the proposition revealed the answers. In these tough [...]
