Petitioning for more Petitions

Columbia, MO—Among the recent onslaught of annoying petitioners in downtown Columbia, a new petition has begun circulation to increase the amount of petitions. Zebediah Kennard, local artist and self-proclaimed downtowner, remarked, “I’m really glad this new one came along, for a while there it seemed like all the petitions were about to dry up!” Recently [...]

Stamps for Email coming to Mid-Missouri

Columbia, MO—In the wake of the recent projected financial loss of more than 7 billion, the United States Post Office has been searching avidly for new sources of revenue or cost cutting methods, and they just might have found one: stamps for your e-mail.  “We had heard that there was a way to transmit letters and [...]

Greenskeeping Fugitive

Columbia, MO—Carl Spackler, former greenskeeper at Bushwood Country Club is wanted in Boone County on a charge of possession of a controlled substance. He was applying for a job at Old Hawthorne when he failed a urine drug test. He also has a misdemeanor warrant. Spackler, 44, is white, 6-foot-4, and 220 pounds, with brown hair and hazel eyes. Spackler may [...]

Rock Bridge Students Find Where The Sidewalk Ends

Columbia, MO—Local students found that there is a place where the sidewalk ends, before the street begins and near where the grass grows soft and white, where a huge truck must have traversed the walk where they were consumed in plain sight. One Rock Bridge  student victim said, “Let us leave this place where the concrete does [...]

NASCAR inspires local drivers

Columbia, MO—According to recent driving patterns, Mid-Missouri drivers are seemingly permitted to drive like lunatics once they have prominently placed on their vehicle one of many NASCAR stickers featuring their favorite driver. Area drivers should heed the NASCAR sticker as a warning when traveling public thoroughfares. “I could see a vehicle approaching me at a high [...]

Lawn Mower Racer Arrested for DUI

Ashland, MO—A slobbering, stinky man has been charged with racing a lawn mower while sipping on grandpa’s cough syrup. Police Chief Howard says Jamie Dennison, 47, was arrested Friday on an overpass of Missouri highway 63 at Ashland, just south of Columbia. Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Ashland, has a revokeddriver’s license and [...]

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    Glamor Shots available at Boone County Jail

    Monday the Boone County Sheriff’s Office unveiled a new Web site containing the booking photo and charge information for inmates in the Boone County Jail. Now the Boone County Jail is offering a portrait package for those wanting to capture their memories inside the slammer. The Boone County Sheriff’s Office on Tuesday announced a new portrait package [...]

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    Counterfeiting getting harder to detect

    COLUMBIA, MO—The Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind continues to wreak havoc on Columbia’s local economy. Columbia police have confirmed multiple cases of counterfeit cash being passed throughout the city already in 2010. Detectives claim they’ve made several arrests but Duece-Duece counterfeit mastermind is still at large. According to police sketches, the Duece-Duece counterfeiter is a bald white [...]

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