All Entries in the "Living" Category
NASCAR inspires local drivers
Columbia, MO—According to recent driving patterns, Mid-Missouri drivers are seemingly permitted to drive like lunatics once they have prominently placed on their vehicle one of many NASCAR stickers featuring their favorite driver. Area drivers should heed the NASCAR sticker as a warning when traveling public thoroughfares. “I could see a vehicle approaching me at a high [...]
Local Tanning Salon Solves Health Concerns
Columbia—When customers started canceling their appointments to “get that thing looked at,” David Hutch, owner of Splasher’s Laundry and Tanning, saw an opportunity. “My clientele is very busy with the lake, school, performances, etc., and they need a one-stop solution for all their tanning and cancer screening needs,” states Hutch. The new service, now available at his Paris Road [...]
Cloud of Smoke Engulfs Columbia
A Large cloud of smoke is filling the air above Columbia today similar to the cloud of pollution Los Angeles frequently resides in. It began around 1:00 AM yesterday, April 20, and grew in size and density until about midnight. While the cloud still exists, no one seems to care. Doug Imig is a student [...]
Landfill workers refuse to commit Party Foul
Columbia, MO— In a city known for its cheap beer specials, Columbia just found out the deals weren’t good enough for two individuals. This Fair City found itself in the national spotlight as two tightwads went the extra mile by stealing cases of expired beer from the landfill. Fair City News was granted an interview [...]
The Fastest 40 Minutes of Church
As attendance rates level off, church officials are looking to new methods of attraction to grow their congregation. One local church in downtown Columbia, The Mid-Missouri Divided Methodist Church, may be on the leading edge of growing their following with a little help from a local celebrity. With a reputation of having the most exciting [...]
Columbia Driver Discovers meaning of Turn Signal
Columbia — Saturday morning was just like any other for Jenny Throm, until she made a startling discovery. She had just dropped off her two daughters at school and was heading to yoga class in her 2008 GMC Denali along East Nifong Boulevard. Unexpectedly, a dog ran in front of her car/truck/tank, forcing her to [...]
Drive-Thru Medicine Now On Value Menu
Columbia, MO—The University Hospital in Columbia has scheduled drive-through flu shot clinics beginning May 1. Those seeking medical attention need only drive their car through the medicinal markers, place their order via the two-way speaker and proceed to the first window to pay, then to the second window to receive treatment. “It was really cool, I [...]
Carl Edwards inspiring local residents
Columbia, MO- Apparently Carl Edwards’ recent antics with Brad Keslowski on the racetrack are wearing off on his Mid-Missouri fans. What many often expect to be a pleasant Saturday morning shopping adventure at Columbia’s Sam’s Club has too often turned into a violent power struggle. As of March 29, 2010, over 20 people have been [...]
Couple Sneaks Extra Breadsticks into Doggie Bag at Olive Garden
Columbia, MO—A discreet couple smoothly inserted three leftover breadsticks into their Styrofoam take home box Monday evening without raising suspicions among Olive Garden wait staff at I 70 Dr Sw. Doris and Henry Norton enjoyed a lavish feast of chicken scampi and chicken Alfredo respectively and just received their boxed leftovers when Mrs. Norton nudged [...]
Emoticons Break Harsh Reality of Fortune Cookie Messages
Jefferson City, MO—A local Chinese restaurant is using emoticons to break unfortunate fortune cookie messages to customers. Several diners at the River Dragon on were introduced to the new after dinner traditional snack and had mixed emotions. “’:) You make a bad day worse ’ was my awful message when I cracked open the fortune [...]
