Author Archive for Fair City News
CoMO Reportedly Forced Into Time Warp
Columbia, MO—Local residents were reportedly forced into a strange and unexpected time warp Sunday which may be linked to an ancient tradition of sun worship. Several residents experienced the movement of time and space by exactly one hour. “I woke up and started getting ready when I noticed that my phone and computer clocks were [...]
Gigantic Postcard Lands in Columbia; Luke Wilson Arrested
Columbia, MO – Residents of southeast Columbia were greeted with calamitous surprise this morning. At approximately 7:25 a.m. a large quarter-mile sized postcard sliced through a calm, peaceful neighborhood, crushing fourteen houses and damaging countless others. The massive postcard read, “Spring Has Sprung in Columbia Missouri,” accompanied by a picture of a flowering hillside. News [...]
New Teen Texting & Driving Ban Texted to Teens
Jefferson City, MO—Governor Jay Nixon sent 6,000 text messages to Columbia, MO teens announcing the new ban in place barring teens from texting while driving. His message simply stated, “NEW BAN 4 TEENS HOO TEXT AN DRIV. DOAN BE DISTRACTD OR IMPAIRD WHILE OPERATIN UR VEHICLE. CALL ME LATR. GOV. NIXON.” State officials said the [...]
Thankfully, Business and Tourism Protected at Lake of the Ozarks
OSAGE BEACH, MO—A state agency acknowledges it withheld a report for four weeks that showed the Lake of the Ozarks had E. coli above safe levels. Fortunately, The Missouri Department of Natural Resources withheld the report around Memorial Day due to concern that the release would hurt tourism and businesses around the lake. “Thankfully, the [...]
