Author Archive for Fair City News
Kim English goes Pro and changes name
Columbia, MO—Mizzou basketball star Kim English has decided to change his name to Kim Spanish and turn pro to play basketball in Mexico. The announcement has left the Tiger basketball nation reeling. Terms of the deal are still be negotiated but a large percentage of his pay will be in the form of burritos. However, [...]
Drive-Thru Medicine Now On Value Menu
Columbia, MO—The University Hospital in Columbia has scheduled drive-through flu shot clinics beginning May 1. Those seeking medical attention need only drive their car through the medicinal markers, place their order via the two-way speaker and proceed to the first window to pay, then to the second window to receive treatment. “It was really cool, I [...]
Bass Pro Shops Unveils New Marketing Effort
Columbia, MO — Slashing marketing budgets is nothing new, especially in this economy, but in the face of such challenges Bass Pro Shops has decided to take a completely new approach to advertising. “We’ve done all sort of advertising over the years,” said Butch Gitcha, Director of Marketing for Bass Pros Shops, “print, TV, direct [...]
Carl Edwards inspiring local residents
Columbia, MO- Apparently Carl Edwards’ recent antics with Brad Keslowski on the racetrack are wearing off on his Mid-Missouri fans. What many often expect to be a pleasant Saturday morning shopping adventure at Columbia’s Sam’s Club has too often turned into a violent power struggle. As of March 29, 2010, over 20 people have been [...]
Couple Sneaks Extra Breadsticks into Doggie Bag at Olive Garden
Columbia, MO—A discreet couple smoothly inserted three leftover breadsticks into their Styrofoam take home box Monday evening without raising suspicions among Olive Garden wait staff at I 70 Dr Sw. Doris and Henry Norton enjoyed a lavish feast of chicken scampi and chicken Alfredo respectively and just received their boxed leftovers when Mrs. Norton nudged [...]
Add Sheet Sued Over Multiple Pages
Columbia, MO – In a lawsuit long time in the making, The Add Sheet is being sued for false Advertisement. Violating its claim every Wednesday morning of being a single sheet and offering a booklet of ads, this case could affect many local businesses and the consumers who live off the multiple sheets of discounts. [...]
Emoticons Break Harsh Reality of Fortune Cookie Messages
Jefferson City, MO—A local Chinese restaurant is using emoticons to break unfortunate fortune cookie messages to customers. Several diners at the River Dragon on were introduced to the new after dinner traditional snack and had mixed emotions. “’:) You make a bad day worse ’ was my awful message when I cracked open the fortune [...]
Redbox Rentals Suck Life for $1.00
Columbia, MO—Located at area McDonald’s, groceries and other heavily trafficked areas, Redbox vending machines are magnets for long lines of indecisive cretins. “I was in line for 10 minutes to get one movie! Just let me in and I can get my video and get out,” said Columbia native Joey Harbong. When presented with a [...]
Google’s Fiber Could Make Columbia Go 100x Faster
Columbia, MO—Local government officials have unanimously approved a resolution to support the city’s participation in the Google Fiber Communities project to increase “download regularity”. “Chronic web constipation is a problem I face everyday. Getting stopped up while downloading a movie is something I just can’t stomach,” said Joey Saddle, sophomore at the University of Missouri. [...]
Local Video Store takes on Netflix, Redbox
Columbia, MO – A local movie rental company believes their business model is sound. It just needed some tweaking to compete with Netflix and Redbox in the Mid-Missouri market. “People love shopping at video rental stores,” said local Movie Holla’ Manager Dewey Dom. “The drive to the store, the smell of it, arguing with friends [...]
