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Elderly vote on mystery meat today

Columbia, MO—The residents of Boone County will take to the polls today. The jobless and elderly will likely constitute the majority of those voting as most citizens in this area don’t bother themselves with such trivial issues. Voters in Columbia will get Obama-like change whether they want it or not. Starting with the mayor, religious leaders [...]

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Add Sheet Sued Over Multiple Pages

Columbia, MO – In a lawsuit long time in the making, The Add Sheet is being sued for false Advertisement. Violating its claim every Wednesday morning of being a single sheet and offering a booklet of ads, this case could affect many local businesses and the consumers who live off the multiple sheets of discounts. [...]

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Gigantic Postcard Lands in Columbia; Luke Wilson Arrested

Columbia, MO – Residents of southeast Columbia were greeted with calamitous surprise this morning. At approximately 7:25 a.m. a large quarter-mile sized postcard sliced through a calm, peaceful neighborhood, crushing fourteen houses and damaging countless others. The massive postcard read, “Spring Has Sprung in Columbia Missouri,” accompanied by a picture of a flowering hillside. News [...]

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Thankfully, Business and Tourism Protected at Lake of the Ozarks

OSAGE BEACH, MO—A state agency acknowledges it withheld a report for four weeks that showed the Lake of the Ozarks had E. coli above safe levels. Fortunately, The Missouri Department of Natural Resources withheld the report around Memorial Day due to concern that the release would hurt tourism and businesses around the lake. “Thankfully, the [...]