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Redbox Rentals Suck Life for $1.00

Ignorant Redbox users line up to waste others precious life

Columbia, MO—Located at area McDonald’s, groceries and other heavily trafficked areas, Redbox vending machines are magnets for long lines of indecisive cretins.

“I was in line for 10 minutes to get one movie! Just let me in and I can get my video and get out,” said Columbia native Joey Harbong. When presented with a renting opportunity, Redbox users are notorious for taking an exorbitant amount of time to choose a movie, then take even longer navigating the touch screen and credit/debit card reader.

Redbox users are usually found clumped together outside of a QSR restaurant waiting for their turn to tackle the Redbox challenge and are forced into awkward small talk or tend to avoid conversation altogether.

“I swear this lady had no business being outside her home, much less at a 21st century vending machine,” said Harbong, “there should be a preferred customers line for those who know what they want, are smart enough to use the machine and who have the appropriate method of payment, not a gas card. Are you freaking kidding me? This $1 rental has cost me precious minutes of my life wasted by someone who likely cannot operate a VHS machine!”

Harbong’s negative experience renting a Redbox DVD was multiplied by his attempt to return the disc. “So I come back to return the dang thing and there is a line one mile long. People are going into Mac-D’s and returning to eat a BigMcAngusPounder while they wait in line. I literally had 10 minutes to return my piece of crap DVD before I rang up another $1 late charge. You can’t ever pay me to go back to that renting hell.”

DVD renters who seek a simple and carefree experience are encouraged to consider other options before attempting to rent from one of these ignorance cesspools. Doctors suggest calculating the true cost of the $1 rental vs. the cost of  primordial frustrations.

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