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The Fastest 40 Minutes of Church

Local Church looks to boost following via the Mizzou Basketball team

As attendance rates level off, church officials are looking to new methods of attraction to grow their congregation. One local church in downtown Columbia, The Mid-Missouri Divided Methodist Church, may be on the leading edge of growing their following with a little help from a local celebrity.

With a reputation of having the most exciting basketball in the country, Missouri Tigers basketball coach is being hired a consultant to make church more attractive and entertaining. Already trade marking “The fastest 40 minutes of Church,” the standard hour long service will be cut back 20 minutes. “With a church on every corner, people fear the sermon will be treated as a commodity. We have to differentiate and Mike Anderson is the answer.”

While Anderson says his services aren’t complete, some changes are already being implemented. Unveiled Easter Sunday, each pew had a credit card reader on the end to eliminate the need for offering plates. “Less passing and more scoring (swiping) equates to wins on the basketball court and in the church,” points out local pastor Chad Farris. Praying as a group has also been eliminated. “You can do that alone and I hate when the prayer leader interrupts me,” Farris said. All preachers under the Anderson tutelage will be required to take the Evelyn Wood 7-Day Speed Reading course and communion will be taken through Drive thru windows as the congregation leaves the service.

For Payment, each sermon will begin and end with a reminder to pray about the Mizzou Tigers basketball team.

The Church is also looking to franchise the idea. “Getting 5% of all tithing from churches across the country would be great,” Farris dreams.

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