Couple sneaks breadsticks into their leftover bag while at Olive Garden

Columbia, MO—A discreet couple smoothly inserted three leftover breadsticks into their Styrofoam take home box Monday evening without raising suspicions among Olive Garden wait staff at I 70 Dr Sw.

Doris and Henry Norton enjoyed a lavish feast of chicken scampi and chicken Alfredo respectively and just received their boxed leftovers when Mrs. Norton nudged Mr. Norton with her foot, then gazed at the uneaten bread sticks with a steely gaze of intent. She gazed back into his eyes to confirm her desire.

Henry scanned the dining room with a nonchalant turn of his head, slid open his doggie bag and with one motion, slid the tasty sticks into his home-bound package. After the carefully leavened goods had been packaged, several tense moments passed as the bill had yet to be paid and the Nortons weren’t about to abandon their newly acquired baked goods.

“Thank you for visiting us tonight, have a great evening” said the waiter as she delivered the receipt and change for the bill. Doris had insisted that they pay in cash so they could not be linked to the extra consumption of savory sticks.

“Fine, just fine. We really enjoyed the uh, mints,” said Henry Norton as he stood and swung his bag of deceit behind him. The couple then quickly exited the restaurant and proceeded to drive to their home in Heritage Meadows. As they drove an unusual route home filled with switchbacks Mrs. Norton said, “I don’t think they noticed right?” Then slowly inserted her hand into the bag to munch on a tasty black market breadstick.

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Emoticons help ease life's harsh messages

Jefferson City, MO—A local Chinese restaurant is using emoticons to break unfortunate fortune cookie messages to customers. Several diners at the River Dragon on were introduced to the new after dinner traditional snack and had mixed emotions.

“’:) You make a bad day worse ’ was my awful message when I cracked open the fortune cookie. The happy face emoticons distracted me from the gloomy fortune and I was smiling until Herb, who was eating with me, pointed out his fortune,” said Cody Yula, a frequent customer of the restaurant.

The River Dragon claims that not all fortune cookies produce encouraging or fruitful messages. Management claims that they want to “give it to the customers straight” and not sugar coat the realities of life. However, they did decide to soften the harsh realities by bookending the cryptic script with fun, flirty emoticons.

“Ah yeah, mine said ‘:P You will have no problems in your house ’ which was cool until I realized all of the problems I might encounter after leaving my house. The tongue–out emoticon really caught my attention and gave me pause,” said Herb Gentry, Yula’s lunch buddy.

“How am I suppose to take this ‘;) A great sum of money is coming your way ’? I was laid off last March and my savings are depleted…but I do enjoy the winking smiley face. Its as if this fortune knows me. Right fortune cookie a great sum is coming my way, gotcha,” said Joanne Fredricks, a single mom of two struggling to make it day-to-day.

River Dragon suggests reading the fortune message in different tones of voice to truly appreciate the intent of the copy. For example, ‘>:| You are respected among peers >:|’ could be read with an emphasis/question on the first word such as, “>:| You are well respected among peers? >:|”

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