Columbia.FairCityNews » satire http://columbia.faircitynews.com Just another WordPress weblog Wed, 12 May 2010 13:22:47 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Cloud of Smoke Engulfs Columbia http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=154 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=154#comments Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:00:24 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=154

The fireless smoke forming over this group of college students.

A Large cloud of smoke is filling the air above Columbia today similar to the cloud of pollution Los Angeles frequently resides in. It began around 1:00 AM yesterday, April 20, and grew in size and density until about midnight. While the cloud still exists, no one seems to care.

Doug Imig is a student KOMU meteorologist, home schooled and conservative; he has no explanation for the cloud. “I have never seen or smelled anything like this. Is there new industry in town?” He appeared very concerned about getting a poor grade but noticed most of his teachers just giggled it off.

You can download these inspirational quotes, sayings levitra without prescription and impart to others. Mast Mood capsule plays a vital role in gaining viagra 100 mg fuller and harder erection. Consuming crude eggs on line levitra is without a doubt the most coordinate ways of expanding testosterone and at long distance from straight contact with the air. The process of enhanced blood inflow is often resulting of sexual arousal generic cialis pill in which signals are sent from the brain and the local nerves cause the this vein filled chamber to relax which allows an increased blood flow to the penis. Firefighters were driving around all day sirens blaring trying to find a flame but could only find smoke. By the afternoon they had given up and were seen laughing and rolling in the grass and trying to identify shapes in the clouds.

The cloud has caused a boom in the pizza business during the last 24 hours and the hospitals are very quiet. “All aliments seemed to disappear as soon as the cloud had truly developed and we were all breathing it in,” said Dr. Ryan Bourne.

Health Experts expect the cloud to disappear with today’s rain. That is, unless the water is a contributing factor to the cloud.

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Sobriety Checkpoints a boom for business http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=117 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=117#comments Fri, 09 Apr 2010 12:32:00 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=117

Traffic Cones: Some see as an impossible maze; others see dollar signs.

Columbia, MO—Recent statistics show that for every Columbia inhabitant, four traffic cones exist. The rise in traffic cone population is directly related to the numerous construction projects and sobriety checkpoints occurring around the area.

Missouri Department of Transportation officials confirm that approximately 400,000 cones exist within Columbia city limits. This number generally elevates by 10-20% on weekend nights as sobriety checkpoints infiltrate the city. Numerous businesses have spawned and are thriving as a result of these weekend buzz kills. The towing business, breath mint manufacturing and Rent-A-Cop Inc. all depend on Columbia’s focus on safety. “There are sooo many cooones, it loooks like a freakin’ airport. I am not a pilot so the boys in bluee catch me every timeeee” hiccupped a local driver claiming her name is Jelli Dawson.

Additionally, Carole’s continued unhappiness with her much older husband forces her to seriously contemplate divorce. pharma-bi.com levitra online They commander cialis http://pharma-bi.com/2010/05/lean-six-sigma-applies-not-only-to-manufacturing/ are simply numbers and names that are under you. If you are even buy viagra pills suffering from such condition. The viagra pills in canada testes are in skin outside the body (scrotum). Citizens are allowed to take the allotted cones once the road project nearest them is completed as a souvenir for the “rebuilding of America” according to President Obama.

Economic stimulus funds are providing the catalyst for highway and thoroughfare improvement, however a side booming business is the cultivation of new traffic cones. The true origin of the traffic cone is not truly understood. Most agree that they are manufactured and distributed, however, some organizations–such as theTraffic Cone Preservation Society–suggest the Conus originates from an ancient squid known as Polypodis narensis.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen so many cones appear at once. Maybe they are a living species and multiplying in construction environments where they thrive… Or maybe a dude in a truck drops them off. I’m just not sure anymore,” said Hershel Jones who lives next to the intersection of Conley and Sixth. He continued, “If they are an alien life form, I hope they introduce me to Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain.”

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