New “E-Stamps” will be released soon and consumer demand is predicted to be high.  The E-Stamps will look exactly like the stamps currently available, will be sold for the same price, but will be specially designed to stick right to your computer screen.  Consumers, grateful for finally knowing how much postage to put on their emails, have already pre-purchased 450 million E-Stamps, and computer retailers have plans to bundle razor blades with every monitor sold in order to scrape used E-Stamps off the screens when they become too full to read.

One question at the forefront of everyone’s mind: How many E-Stamps do I need if my email is especially long? “We ask that people use their best judgment”, says Lee. “One E-Stamp should be enough for short messages, but if you are expecting to send a 12 page email with attached documents with only one, well that’s just not going to happen.”
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The E-Stamp may be the golden goose the USPS has been looking for, and this help couldn’t come too soon.  One proposed cost-saving change was to eliminate residential postal delivery on Saturdays, but it was met with stiff resistance by consumers.  One resident was extremely concerned when told of the upcoming possibility. “That postman is a fixture in my dogs life” mused Tay Lorfox, a Springfield native. “I just don’t know what ‘ole Rex would do on Saturdays if he couldn’t chase (the postman) down the street.”

Time will tell if the postage for emails save the Post Office. As for the E-Stamp, look for it at your local Post Office soon.

The Boone County Sheriff’s Office on Tuesday announced a new portrait package providing the name, booking photo and charge information for anyone currently housed in thejail.

Currently awaiting trial, inmate Playa Loud said, “Although my picture is no real glamour shot, I think the jailhouse photographer did a good job capturing the highlights and texture in my hair and brought out the glow in my complexion.”

Base packages include two 8 x 10’s, four 3 x 4’s and 8 wallets. Enhanced packages are available under special names such as the Fifi, the Shiv and a special holiday package is now available, ask for the Keister Bunny.
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“Since the other deal seemed fairly simple to do, I thought this was a pretty cool idea,” said Sheriff Dwayne Carey.

Example of the wallet size package families can purchase.

“The big thing I wanted to do was make sure I didn’t put any packages out there that weren’t versatile.”

Downtown cameras: Making money and taking names.

Proposition 1, allowing downtown cameras for surveillance, passed on Tuesday with almost 60% of the vote. Voters, known for not actually reading the fine print, granted approval without knowing the cost, how many cameras would be used, where they should be placed. Taking a closer look at the proposition revealed the answers.

In these tough economic times, it forces people to be creative with sources of revenue and this is no exception. “We plan to create a variety of websites highlighting short video clips of the best (or worst) behavior downtown,” explained a city official. “What is better than trying to watch a smashed kid try and figure out how to get home?”

They have already hired a video editor, social media expert and people to provoke the entertaining behavior late at night. A facebook fan page, twitter account, Youtube, and submissions to such popular sites such as collegehumor.com should provide plenty of funding for the cameras. They plan to share some of the revenue and video with middle school alcohol awareness programs in the area.

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Looking through city records, we found they have already purchased the domains of: comodrunks.com, mugirlsgonewild.com, downtownbrawls.com, hookupsfail.com, thatsyourdaughter.com and others not fit for print.

Initial reaction from Mizzou students is positive. “We are like so excited! All of my sorority sisters and I are like strategizing how to get on the site! It is like a contest!” said a giddy Amber Engert.

Cameras should be deployed in the coming months but rumor has it a few already exist and video clips could start showing up anytime.