Should Mrs. Throm switch Political Parties? Local resident discovers meaning of turn signal.

Columbia — Saturday morning was just like any other for Jenny Throm, until she made a startling discovery. She had just dropped off her two daughters at school and was heading to yoga class in her 2008 GMC Denali along East Nifong Boulevard. Unexpectedly, a dog ran in front of her car/truck/tank, forcing her to swerve quickly. As she pulled the wheel her hand slipped off and pushed a stick protruding from just behind her steering wheel on the left side. “All of the sudden, this green arrow starts flashing at me,” she says. “On. Off. On. Off. I was completely dumbstruck. I had never seen such a thing before. I thought it was a sign from our lord and savior.”

As a sign from God, she felt it was her duty to follow it. “I took the next left thinking it was leading me somewhere.” But her mission from God was short-lived. Following a few turns into a nearby subdivision, she found herself in a cul-de-sac. “After about twenty minutes going around in circles, I decided to turn right. Then the arrow turned off,” she says.

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“I’d heard of turn signals before, but I’d never actually seen one, let alone use one,” she says. So she pulled over and began inspecting her car for the source of the signal. As she retraced the events just before the arrow appeared, she remembered hitting a “stick thingy” behind the steering wheel. So, she pushed the stick up and an arrow appeared again, this time pointing right.

“I literally pooped in my pants a little, I was so surprised,” she says. “I always thought it was just a balancing stick or an emergency handle or something. I didn’t realize that turn signals were real. I always thought they were like the Sasquatch of driving tools. Everyone has heard of them, but you never actually see one.” When asked if she will now use her turn signal after making this discovery, Mrs. Throm says that she will not for fear of confusing other drivers.

Traffic Cones: Some see as an impossible maze; others see dollar signs.

Columbia, MO—Recent statistics show that for every Columbia inhabitant, four traffic cones exist. The rise in traffic cone population is directly related to the numerous construction projects and sobriety checkpoints occurring around the area.

Missouri Department of Transportation officials confirm that approximately 400,000 cones exist within Columbia city limits. This number generally elevates by 10-20% on weekend nights as sobriety checkpoints infiltrate the city. Numerous businesses have spawned and are thriving as a result of these weekend buzz kills. The towing business, breath mint manufacturing and Rent-A-Cop Inc. all depend on Columbia’s focus on safety. “There are sooo many cooones, it loooks like a freakin’ airport. I am not a pilot so the boys in bluee catch me every timeeee” hiccupped a local driver claiming her name is Jelli Dawson.

Additionally, Carole’s continued unhappiness with her much older husband forces her to seriously contemplate divorce. pharma-bi.com levitra online They commander cialis http://pharma-bi.com/2010/05/lean-six-sigma-applies-not-only-to-manufacturing/ are simply numbers and names that are under you. If you are even buy viagra pills suffering from such condition. The viagra pills in canada testes are in skin outside the body (scrotum). Citizens are allowed to take the allotted cones once the road project nearest them is completed as a souvenir for the “rebuilding of America” according to President Obama.

Economic stimulus funds are providing the catalyst for highway and thoroughfare improvement, however a side booming business is the cultivation of new traffic cones. The true origin of the traffic cone is not truly understood. Most agree that they are manufactured and distributed, however, some organizations–such as theTraffic Cone Preservation Society–suggest the Conus originates from an ancient squid known as Polypodis narensis.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen so many cones appear at once. Maybe they are a living species and multiplying in construction environments where they thrive… Or maybe a dude in a truck drops them off. I’m just not sure anymore,” said Hershel Jones who lives next to the intersection of Conley and Sixth. He continued, “If they are an alien life form, I hope they introduce me to Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain.”