Columbians seeking Newman

his not being classified. Unfortunately, unlike most of the online classifieds he represents, Mr. Newmark was not for sale. Even worse, his laptop, clothes and watch were not classified either.

Interviewing attendees after the show, FCN found a majority were interested in Newmark himself, not what he had to say. “The men seeking men and women seeking men sections were blowing up in the “Columbia/Jeff City” Craigslist page so I just assumed this is where I should be,” remarked a disappointed Ben Billon. “I don’t really interact with people related to Craigslist unless there is some form of cash only commerce going on, it was awkward.”
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“He consistently preached the value of his service but I don’t think his Armani suit was purchased on craigslist. He is a walking contradiction,” observed a confused Ale Beltran. “You would think the CEO would use his own service.”

Local newspaper editors could be seen shaking their heads at another revenue stream that has disappeared in the last decade. “Our classifieds section was the envy of the region, now we only have 80+ year old women selling their Lincoln town cars and their cat,” a Columbia Herald sales rep confessed.

Editors note: Unfortunately, the Fair City News reporter covering the story, only heard half of the keynote speech as the reporter’s scooter—found on craigslist—broke down several times en-route. On a positive note, the reporter was able to find a repairman from the Automotive services section of Craigslist.com.