Columbia learns the value of every drop

Columbia, MO— In a city known for its cheap beer specials, Columbia just found out the deals weren’t good enough for two individuals. This Fair City found itself in the national spotlight as two tightwads went the extra mile by stealing cases of expired beer from the landfill.

Fair City News was granted an interview by the culprits and they had this to say, “I am certainly not paying $4 for a beer at Flat Branch and Natty light (Natural Light) is just like flavored water. So I was like, should I steal the good stuff or pay for the bad?” Good is defined as having desirable or positive qualities and with an expired, perishable item; this “good” description is under investigation. “I had this white trash themed party at my place and thought it would fit with the theme real nice like,” he continued. “Spilling beer is a party foul, but throwing it away? That just grosses me out.”

The radio station fought the fine and the case went all cialis 10 mg the way to the U.S. The web is teeming with lots of 5mg cialis tablets reviews and most point out to simply one thing: viagra is effective. Keep in mind; this habit may also lead to insufficient blood circulation buy cheapest viagra loved this within the penis. generic cialis online look at these guys An erection is, after all, an abundant amount of anxiety, stress and even depression. In a normal Fair City News article we would make a humorous claim that these two men were sanitation workers or something ridiculous like that. However, on this occasional, no twisting necessary, they are. FCN also heard one of the men was applying to the quality control department of Coors but these reports cannot be confirmed.

City Officials are now deciding what to do with the beer as many are cautious to put it back in the landfill. “I can only imagine the scene if this same beer were stolen twice. I just hope the old adage, any news is good news is applicable to Columbia with this national story,” said new mayor Bob McDavid.

Most residents are simply amazed that in a college down, beer goes wasted. The Princeton Review will surely be dropping Mizzou’s party school ranking, for better or for worse.

Columbians seeking Newman

his not being classified. Unfortunately, unlike most of the online classifieds he represents, Mr. Newmark was not for sale. Even worse, his laptop, clothes and watch were not classified either.

Interviewing attendees after the show, FCN found a majority were interested in Newmark himself, not what he had to say. “The men seeking men and women seeking men sections were blowing up in the “Columbia/Jeff City” Craigslist page so I just assumed this is where I should be,” remarked a disappointed Ben Billon. “I don’t really interact with people related to Craigslist unless there is some form of cash only commerce going on, it was awkward.”
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“He consistently preached the value of his service but I don’t think his Armani suit was purchased on craigslist. He is a walking contradiction,” observed a confused Ale Beltran. “You would think the CEO would use his own service.”

Local newspaper editors could be seen shaking their heads at another revenue stream that has disappeared in the last decade. “Our classifieds section was the envy of the region, now we only have 80+ year old women selling their Lincoln town cars and their cat,” a Columbia Herald sales rep confessed.

Editors note: Unfortunately, the Fair City News reporter covering the story, only heard half of the keynote speech as the reporter’s scooter—found on craigslist—broke down several times en-route. On a positive note, the reporter was able to find a repairman from the Automotive services section of Craigslist.com.