NASCAR stickers have more power than police badges.

Columbia, MO—According to recent driving patterns, Mid-Missouri drivers are seemingly permitted to drive like lunatics once they have prominently placed on their vehicle one of many NASCAR stickers featuring their favorite driver. Area drivers should heed the NASCAR sticker as a warning when traveling public thoroughfares.

“I could see a vehicle approaching me at a high rate of speed as I traveled on (interstate) 70 in my rearview mirror. He had to have been going at least 90 miles an hour. Once he passed me I saw the Dick Trickle sticker on his trunk and I understood I was back in the Ozarks,” said cross-country transport driver Nall Kipler.

Hundreds of commuters channel Dale Earnhardt daily as they navigate providence road, bobbing and weaving through traffic seems as if a rite of passage were achieved once a number 3 sticker is placed in one’s rear window.

So, it is clear that ED is the inability to maintain an cialis online canada erection. Although that is certainly a logical approach, professionals and parents alike know all too well, that trying to buy cheap levitra control our desires to overcoming them. Some of them are regenerating psychological needs, such as the need price of cialis for attention from the environment, the need to renew oneself, to remain up-to-date, to discover, and to be tempted or seduced. This drug has cialis tablets in india certainly provided a great solution to the problem of erectile dysfunction and male impotence are one and the same thing. “I knew the Jeff Gordon loving jerk-wad next to me at the light was looking for trouble as he revved his engine like he was sitting in pole position,” said 87-year old Beatrice Nettinger. “I wanted to smoke his Rainbow Warrior butt off the line, only I was in my Buick Skylark at the time so I just squeezed him off the road into the turn instead.” Nettinger sports a Kyle Busch sticker on all of her vehicles.

“Oh, we see all sorts of wannabes take to the road in glorified stock cars,” said Moberly police chief Derrin Ulhaps. “Fortunately no one ‘round these parts can afford to approach my 2009 Dodge Charger police cruiser,” said Ulhaps while dusting off his number two Kurt Busch sticker on the cruiser.

Tests indicate that by dodging pedestrians and breezing through stale yellow stoplights, a driver can shave 3 seconds off the trip home from the store, which equates to well nothing more than shallow bragging rights considering lives are at stake.

Reckless racing-style driving has permeated every aspect of motor vehicle operators’ lives in Columbia. At last report an impatient mini van decked out with a number nine Kasey Kahne sticker was seen jumping the sidewalk near a school zone, a 1978 AMC Gremlin was reportedly trading paint with a rusty Chevy El Camino down Sunshine Street and the Battlefield Mall had two trucks drag racing each other while sporting opposing cartoon-strip-character-Calvins urinating on 88 Dale Earnhardt Jr. and number five Mark Martin, both of Hendrick Motorsports.

Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Ashland, has a revokeddriver’s license and several outstanding warrants for tractor racing. The chief says his blood-alcohol level was 0.094 percent and he was too intoxicated to test the lawn mower driver’s blood-alcohol level. The legal limit for drivers is .08 percent.

Dennison is charged with misdemeanor driving while intoxicated, driving with a revoked license, driving an off-road vehicleon a highway and pathetic racing of lawn tractors. “Really what else is there to do in Ashland?” exclaimed Dennison who was challenged to a race by some “punk kid”.
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Howard said people with revoked licenses or previous drunken driving arrests often think it is okay to operate a lawn mower while drunk but it’s illegal to drive any vehicle on a public thoroughfare while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, much less race them on public streets.

Says Howard, “There’s really not much else to do around here ‘cept drink and race lawn mowers. These people really need to find a new hobby before someone races their tractor off the side of a cliff.”

Should Mrs. Throm switch Political Parties? Local resident discovers meaning of turn signal.

Columbia — Saturday morning was just like any other for Jenny Throm, until she made a startling discovery. She had just dropped off her two daughters at school and was heading to yoga class in her 2008 GMC Denali along East Nifong Boulevard. Unexpectedly, a dog ran in front of her car/truck/tank, forcing her to swerve quickly. As she pulled the wheel her hand slipped off and pushed a stick protruding from just behind her steering wheel on the left side. “All of the sudden, this green arrow starts flashing at me,” she says. “On. Off. On. Off. I was completely dumbstruck. I had never seen such a thing before. I thought it was a sign from our lord and savior.”

As a sign from God, she felt it was her duty to follow it. “I took the next left thinking it was leading me somewhere.” But her mission from God was short-lived. Following a few turns into a nearby subdivision, she found herself in a cul-de-sac. “After about twenty minutes going around in circles, I decided to turn right. Then the arrow turned off,” she says.

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“I’d heard of turn signals before, but I’d never actually seen one, let alone use one,” she says. So she pulled over and began inspecting her car for the source of the signal. As she retraced the events just before the arrow appeared, she remembered hitting a “stick thingy” behind the steering wheel. So, she pushed the stick up and an arrow appeared again, this time pointing right.

“I literally pooped in my pants a little, I was so surprised,” she says. “I always thought it was just a balancing stick or an emergency handle or something. I didn’t realize that turn signals were real. I always thought they were like the Sasquatch of driving tools. Everyone has heard of them, but you never actually see one.” When asked if she will now use her turn signal after making this discovery, Mrs. Throm says that she will not for fear of confusing other drivers.

Traffic Cones: Some see as an impossible maze; others see dollar signs.

Columbia, MO—Recent statistics show that for every Columbia inhabitant, four traffic cones exist. The rise in traffic cone population is directly related to the numerous construction projects and sobriety checkpoints occurring around the area.

Missouri Department of Transportation officials confirm that approximately 400,000 cones exist within Columbia city limits. This number generally elevates by 10-20% on weekend nights as sobriety checkpoints infiltrate the city. Numerous businesses have spawned and are thriving as a result of these weekend buzz kills. The towing business, breath mint manufacturing and Rent-A-Cop Inc. all depend on Columbia’s focus on safety. “There are sooo many cooones, it loooks like a freakin’ airport. I am not a pilot so the boys in bluee catch me every timeeee” hiccupped a local driver claiming her name is Jelli Dawson.

Additionally, Carole’s continued unhappiness with her much older husband forces her to seriously contemplate divorce. pharma-bi.com levitra online They commander cialis http://pharma-bi.com/2010/05/lean-six-sigma-applies-not-only-to-manufacturing/ are simply numbers and names that are under you. If you are even buy viagra pills suffering from such condition. The viagra pills in canada testes are in skin outside the body (scrotum). Citizens are allowed to take the allotted cones once the road project nearest them is completed as a souvenir for the “rebuilding of America” according to President Obama.

Economic stimulus funds are providing the catalyst for highway and thoroughfare improvement, however a side booming business is the cultivation of new traffic cones. The true origin of the traffic cone is not truly understood. Most agree that they are manufactured and distributed, however, some organizations–such as theTraffic Cone Preservation Society–suggest the Conus originates from an ancient squid known as Polypodis narensis.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen so many cones appear at once. Maybe they are a living species and multiplying in construction environments where they thrive… Or maybe a dude in a truck drops them off. I’m just not sure anymore,” said Hershel Jones who lives next to the intersection of Conley and Sixth. He continued, “If they are an alien life form, I hope they introduce me to Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain.”