Columbia.FairCityNews » Health http://columbia.faircitynews.com Just another WordPress weblog Wed, 12 May 2010 13:22:47 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 Local Tanning Salon Solves Health Concerns http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=163 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=163#comments Tue, 27 Apr 2010 14:38:52 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=163

Look Good, Leave Healthy.

Columbia—When customers started canceling their appointments to “get that thing looked at,” David Hutch, owner of Splasher’s Laundry and Tanning,  saw an opportunity.

“My clientele is very busy with the lake, school, performances, etc., and they need a one-stop solution for all their tanning and cancer screening needs,” states Hutch.

The new service, now available at his Paris Road location, allows customers to have oozing moles, seeping wounds, and discolored patches examined by an internet-certified dermatologist.
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In the future, Hutch hopes to add cameras inside each tanning bed to provide a 360º perspective of his client’s delicate epidermis. When asked if he considered this a breech of privacy, Hutch explained, “Early detection is key to helping our customers stay very tan for a very long time.”

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Cloud of Smoke Engulfs Columbia http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=154 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=154#comments Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:00:24 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=154

The fireless smoke forming over this group of college students.

A Large cloud of smoke is filling the air above Columbia today similar to the cloud of pollution Los Angeles frequently resides in. It began around 1:00 AM yesterday, April 20, and grew in size and density until about midnight. While the cloud still exists, no one seems to care.

Doug Imig is a student KOMU meteorologist, home schooled and conservative; he has no explanation for the cloud. “I have never seen or smelled anything like this. Is there new industry in town?” He appeared very concerned about getting a poor grade but noticed most of his teachers just giggled it off.

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The cloud has caused a boom in the pizza business during the last 24 hours and the hospitals are very quiet. “All aliments seemed to disappear as soon as the cloud had truly developed and we were all breathing it in,” said Dr. Ryan Bourne.

Health Experts expect the cloud to disappear with today’s rain. That is, unless the water is a contributing factor to the cloud.

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Landfill workers refuse to commit Party Foul http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=145 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=145#comments Mon, 19 Apr 2010 12:18:18 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=145

Columbia learns the value of every drop

Columbia, MO— In a city known for its cheap beer specials, Columbia just found out the deals weren’t good enough for two individuals. This Fair City found itself in the national spotlight as two tightwads went the extra mile by stealing cases of expired beer from the landfill.

Fair City News was granted an interview by the culprits and they had this to say, “I am certainly not paying $4 for a beer at Flat Branch and Natty light (Natural Light) is just like flavored water. So I was like, should I steal the good stuff or pay for the bad?” Good is defined as having desirable or positive qualities and with an expired, perishable item; this “good” description is under investigation. “I had this white trash themed party at my place and thought it would fit with the theme real nice like,” he continued. “Spilling beer is a party foul, but throwing it away? That just grosses me out.”

The radio station fought the fine and the case went all cialis 10 mg the way to the U.S. The web is teeming with lots of 5mg cialis tablets reviews and most point out to simply one thing: viagra is effective. Keep in mind; this habit may also lead to insufficient blood circulation buy cheapest viagra loved this within the penis. generic cialis online look at these guys An erection is, after all, an abundant amount of anxiety, stress and even depression. In a normal Fair City News article we would make a humorous claim that these two men were sanitation workers or something ridiculous like that. However, on this occasional, no twisting necessary, they are. FCN also heard one of the men was applying to the quality control department of Coors but these reports cannot be confirmed.

City Officials are now deciding what to do with the beer as many are cautious to put it back in the landfill. “I can only imagine the scene if this same beer were stolen twice. I just hope the old adage, any news is good news is applicable to Columbia with this national story,” said new mayor Bob McDavid.

Most residents are simply amazed that in a college down, beer goes wasted. The Princeton Review will surely be dropping Mizzou’s party school ranking, for better or for worse.

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Drive-Thru Medicine Now On Value Menu http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=80 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=80#comments Fri, 02 Apr 2010 17:04:40 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=80 Columbia, MO—The University Hospital in Columbia has scheduled drive-through flu shot clinics beginning May 1. Those seeking medical attention need only drive their car through the medicinal markers, place their order via the two-way speaker and proceed to the first window to pay, then to the second window to receive treatment.

“It was really cool, I just pulled up ordered a double flu shot, hold the Guillain-Barré syndrome, paid for my order then was given the shot as I sat at the next window. Pretty amazing!” said Lindsay Beglar, local participant in the program.

The seasonal flu shot is available on the dollar menu at The University Hosptial

Administering a Flu Shot from the value menu and The University Hospital in Columbia


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and a new variety of vaccine is scheduled to make an appearance soon as the H1N1 vaccine. Hospital manager Brian Dumby said, “we sell a lot of the seasonal shots, but once the H1N1 is available we are expecting consumer demand to double or triple. We may even have to add another drive-through lane to accommodate everyone.”

The current menu board shows a variety of other services now available via the drive-through including annual physicals, blood donation, and emergency resuscitation among other things. Dumby says, “we have had some trouble getting the orders right due to the scratchy nature of the two way radio in the menu board. So, Mr. Hekctal if you are reading this story please return so we can reverse the outpatient surgery we performed on you in your car, and give that to the right person who requested it.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about 36,000 people die each year from complications of seasonal flu. Now with drive-throughmedicine, officials hope that number will be reduced significantly. “Really,” said Dumby, “who has time to sit around in a doctors office when they can roll up to our window, get shot and on their way?”

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Carl Edwards inspiring local residents http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=65 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=65#comments Wed, 31 Mar 2010 14:31:15 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=65 Columbia, MO- Apparently Carl Edwards’ recent antics with Brad Keslowski on the racetrack are wearing off on his Mid-Missouri fans. What many often expect to be a pleasant Saturday morning shopping adventure at Columbia’s Sam’s Club has too often turned into a violent power struggle. As of March 29, 2010, over 20 people have been taken to area hospitals as a result of shopping cart incidents at Sam’s Club.

“I see them (Sam’s Club) lowering prices and there is no turning back!” Exclaimed Lauren Miller with a fire in her eye. Her story is very similar to many others trying to fit 4 carts down an aisle made for 3. Further, many patrons have loaded their carts beyond capacity extending into other’s personal space.

“I am not wasting my time waiting for someone to think before purchase, time is money. Besides, NASCAR will be on soon and lord knows I am not missing that,” said a frustrated Kyle Youngfield. He is also not alone, but his lack of patience has turned many Sam’s Club customers into University Hospital customers. Injuries are often broken ankles and legs, but they are turning psychological.
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“It is a very serious issue we are addressing among our members, said store manager Tom Conroy, “Not only is it dangerous, but those are sales we are losing as the ambulance drives away.” Many have added some form of cart etiquette is needed to maintain a level of order. A highway for carts has even been proposed along with the new addition to bypass the clothing and outdoor section to get straight back to the grocery and alcohol sections of the store.

While many think the grocery carts painted as NASCAR cars were for kids, others believe there is a hidden message behind the facade.

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