Columbia.FairCityNews » Sports http://columbia.faircitynews.com Just another WordPress weblog Wed, 12 May 2010 13:22:47 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.2 NASCAR inspires local drivers http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=176 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=176#comments Thu, 29 Apr 2010 12:39:40 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=176

NASCAR stickers have more power than police badges.

Columbia, MO—According to recent driving patterns, Mid-Missouri drivers are seemingly permitted to drive like lunatics once they have prominently placed on their vehicle one of many NASCAR stickers featuring their favorite driver. Area drivers should heed the NASCAR sticker as a warning when traveling public thoroughfares.

“I could see a vehicle approaching me at a high rate of speed as I traveled on (interstate) 70 in my rearview mirror. He had to have been going at least 90 miles an hour. Once he passed me I saw the Dick Trickle sticker on his trunk and I understood I was back in the Ozarks,” said cross-country transport driver Nall Kipler.

Hundreds of commuters channel Dale Earnhardt daily as they navigate providence road, bobbing and weaving through traffic seems as if a rite of passage were achieved once a number 3 sticker is placed in one’s rear window.

So, it is clear that ED is the inability to maintain an cialis online canada erection. Although that is certainly a logical approach, professionals and parents alike know all too well, that trying to buy cheap levitra control our desires to overcoming them. Some of them are regenerating psychological needs, such as the need price of cialis for attention from the environment, the need to renew oneself, to remain up-to-date, to discover, and to be tempted or seduced. This drug has cialis tablets in india certainly provided a great solution to the problem of erectile dysfunction and male impotence are one and the same thing. “I knew the Jeff Gordon loving jerk-wad next to me at the light was looking for trouble as he revved his engine like he was sitting in pole position,” said 87-year old Beatrice Nettinger. “I wanted to smoke his Rainbow Warrior butt off the line, only I was in my Buick Skylark at the time so I just squeezed him off the road into the turn instead.” Nettinger sports a Kyle Busch sticker on all of her vehicles.

“Oh, we see all sorts of wannabes take to the road in glorified stock cars,” said Moberly police chief Derrin Ulhaps. “Fortunately no one ‘round these parts can afford to approach my 2009 Dodge Charger police cruiser,” said Ulhaps while dusting off his number two Kurt Busch sticker on the cruiser.

Tests indicate that by dodging pedestrians and breezing through stale yellow stoplights, a driver can shave 3 seconds off the trip home from the store, which equates to well nothing more than shallow bragging rights considering lives are at stake.

Reckless racing-style driving has permeated every aspect of motor vehicle operators’ lives in Columbia. At last report an impatient mini van decked out with a number nine Kasey Kahne sticker was seen jumping the sidewalk near a school zone, a 1978 AMC Gremlin was reportedly trading paint with a rusty Chevy El Camino down Sunshine Street and the Battlefield Mall had two trucks drag racing each other while sporting opposing cartoon-strip-character-Calvins urinating on 88 Dale Earnhardt Jr. and number five Mark Martin, both of Hendrick Motorsports.

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Kim English goes Pro and changes name http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=94 http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=94#comments Mon, 05 Apr 2010 12:10:31 +0000 Fair City News http://columbia.faircitynews.com/?p=94 Columbia, MO—Mizzou basketball star Kim English has decided to change his name to Kim Spanish and turn pro to play

Kim Spanish of the Chihuahua Chalupas

basketball in Mexico. The announcement has left the Tiger basketball nation reeling.

Terms of the deal are still be negotiated but a large percentage of his pay will be in the form of burritos.

However, Kim Spanish (formerly Kim English) doesn’t want to completely abandon his Columbia heritage. He and late night downtown favorite, El Rancho Mexican Restaurant, have worked out a sponsorship deal where Kim is required to get a tattoo of the restaurant on his shooting/eating hand. El Maguey lost the bidding war for this prime placement and has no interest in the other hand.

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“I watched Sam Bradford of Oklahoma get hurt and I just can’t take that chance,” Spanish told FCN. “I like to stand out from other players and can’t think of a better way than to play in Mexico. No one else does that.” Coach Mike Anderson couldn’t be reached for comment but the University Registrar has confirmed Spanish is sitting in on Spanish classes the rest of the semester.

In a touch of irony, his high school basketball coach from Maryland

had the name of Kim Rivers. The coach of his new team, the Chihuahua Chalupas, has the name of Kim Mountains.

Kim Spanish will start practice in Mexico starting June 1 and plans to play for Mexico in the 2012 London Olympic games.

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